Sayonara.

oh, compassionate starlight, you're
shinning hard on me, you're
locking me into your tractor beam, your
"beam me up Scotty, take me out of here," you're 
ripping me, ripping me, out and away, out and away, my
feet are crying. Leave me on the ground! But my heart is
soaring. I
am so confused. What am I? Just the sum of all these
parts? These parts? These parts? These
warring factions? These nations? These societies? They
don't know how to talk to each other. They're animals.
They're children. They're playing at diplomacy. Take me
away. From the earth. 
The stars. Now that's what I'm, saying.
The stars. Now they really know how to shine. Back home. That's what I'm saying.
I don't care if you're tearing me apart.
I don't want to stay here.
Goodbye, feet.
Sayonara.

Enough already.

I want the beauty that's on the other side of this exorcism.

I am already there.

I close my eyes, and
I am already there.
Cobblestones spread out beneath 
my wandering feet.
The laughter of children, echoes 
in the courtyard, that I walk through.
A cool wind, makes its steady way
into the ancient east.
A fire, burning. A serpent, uncoils.
From the foundation stone. Where it all resides.
Slithers through the crowd.
Doesn't make a sound.
As I meander down the alleyways 
of Jerusalem.

And I listen.

In this rain
I hear eternity
trickling down
the infinite hides itself
in a million miniscule drops
and discovers itself
on the way down
over and over again.
And I listen.

Nexus

The angels, in humility
the mighty seraphs and nephilim
tremble on the doorstep
serving one world, then another
singing kadosh, kadosh, kadosh
adonai, tzvaot
the holy one, blessed be he
sitting on his throne
at the nexus of the universe
knower of deeds
surveyor of lands
and minds
and hearts
each and every day
as the sun rises
in his goodness, he renews, constantly
the doings of creation
including you and me.
Including you and me.

Bloom

You are what it's for.
Shinning brightly
like a diamond
in the rough and tumble
wilderness out there. In the beginning
there were two celestial bodies
and they both shone. Equal measure. 
Going forth, and returning
bowing in humility. 
To each other. And so it shall be once more.
Now until that fateful day, there is one
that reflects the sun's light
as it passes through its seasons.
Like the willow tree, she's at once in full blossom
she is born, then she fades
and is born again new.
Then she fades 
and then she starts to bloom. 
And then she starts to bloom.

the difference

Here I am, I'm a human
fragile, and, oh, minuscule
am I bound to rot, or am I fit to rule?
Am I royalty, or, the courthouse fool?
Did I pull my way through those years of school
to live my life as a common mule?
I drool, and, I fuel, my
distaste and malcontent
with haste, this monument
this tool, I rise.
I compromise.
What's the difference.

arms race

I would like us to disarm
The bomb
zzz
They're inside me and you
Kaboo 
Kaboo 
Kaboo 
Boo
Boom.

the itch

I've got an itch
that I can't scratch.
I've got an itch
and pain to match.
I've got an itch
a burning fire.
I've got an itch
a bog, a mire.
A hidden door
without a latch;
an endless pit,
a crummy batch;
an item bought
that I regret;
a broken heart,
a rotten bet.
And it is somewhere
I can't get.
Can you get that for me?
Thanks.

But I couldn't kill him

I met the Buddha on the road
and I remembered what they said
but I couldn't kill him
not with him wearing that smile of his
I just stood there slack jawed, and stared
as he gazed serenely back at me
invited me to sit
with a gesture
and a nod
and I obliged him. 
There we sat, cross legged
across from one another
and gazed curiously 
into each other's eyes.
I wonder what he saw in mine.
I know what I saw in his.
I saw a boy
in a grown man's body
with a grown man's wisdom
refined character
and a jovial spirit
laughing silently
and also crying
and also hugging
and also releasing
and also dancing
and also sitting still
all at the same time
how did he do it
I guess that is the impenetrable mystery
he reached out to me, and he held my hand
and he gave it a soft squeeze
gentle, yet firm
my shoulders slumped down
I didn't realize that I had them clenched
something in my chest released
something in my heart shook loose
and came slithering out through my eyes
air gushed in
and then back out again
and I remembered I'm alive
and I felt myself as the child I once was
and as the man I am becoming
and I cried, silently
soft, shuddering sobs
as he held my hand
and smiled at me knowingly
and we stayed that way for hours. 
And then I killed him.
Just like they said.  




...I am not yet ready
to finish this poem.  

rawr

Addiction
To fiction
What a fine
Predilection 
So fine and
So coarse
I need a
Divorce
From all, all
Of this
Just cease and
Desist
I'm making
A list
Are you naughty
Or nice
You stupid 
Device
Papa's got a nice new
Home for ya
It's called
The drawer
...rawr

You already know.

forget the fancy, fraught with fiction
abandon falsehood, and addiction
cleave to values, and to strengths
rise in power, through the ranks
heed the force, the vibe, the flow
let all other fires go
you already know, you know
you already have
all that you need.

what we shall find

Fiery torment
you're lying dormant
in my beautifully aching mind.

Walk with me child
through meadows mild
let us find what we shall find.

the key

Pulling at the grains of sand
that compose me...walking through
the starscape
of reality
chemical reactions 
they do happen
all the time.
I am blind, to the forces
that bind me together.
Through the stormiest weather
I may find
that the key
to my power
and my freedom, is
my mind.

Frayed

Pulling at the threads
of the tapestry of me
all those loose ends
frayed
and worn.
Pick, pluck
sigh, release
move on, return again. 
Always weighing on
the corners of my mind
dragging them down
to wrap around
the sharp edges I do find
and more things
of the same kind. 
Of the same ilk.
Misaligned
and at wit's end
I do fend
for a few scraps
of my sanity.
Sacrifice
the plot device
and my vanity.
All for the sake 
of the same mistake
I do make
over and over again.
All I ask
you, in the mask
is, When?

On leaving eden

Caged angels
twirling swords of wind and fire
torn by wisdom and desire
are sitting, staring back at me.
Brooding in their muddled minds.
Lost inside their bound confines.
And I wonder what they see.
Feel their power beckoning.
Heading for their reckoning
in the mind's eye-
set me down and petrify 
me. Find the long lost key.
To being lonely.
Let's set thee free.
Now be.
Now be.

Ontological

I believe in intelligent life.
I can see it in the skies.
I can see it in the eyes
of babes
and elephants.
I can see their souls rising
on stalks of benevolence
sleeping, under snow blankets
winter's undertow
springing forth in the thaw
quavering in awe
of mother earth
and father time's handiwork.
The universe sublime
so full of pantomime
and paradox...
the clocks, are, ticking
the seconds crashing down
in waves. The ocean's mighty roar
is shaking through the floor
and raising hairs and hackles.
Erasing bonds and shackles.
And that undeniable sound
is the true and unshakable ground
of ontological being. 
It's the face of God I am seeing. 
Smiling down, at my crown
which with shaking hands, I remove
with the wisdom I am behooved. 
The moon reflects the sun's light
and I, am bound, to thee. 
In moments like these
it makes sense;
thank you
and also, I
thank
me.

There were no mirrors

When the buddha first set out
in his ways of understanding
he was young.
There were no mirrors.
He could not see
how fragile he was
in the context of his city.

All he had were his thoughts
to keep him company.

Beginner's mind was a thing
that he tried for
again and again and again.
Gliding down the river of consciousness
the onslaught of evolutionary madness
that is in us...
swim, against the current
swim, swim
before you drown us....

I don't know how he did it
but at last, he got to shore.
Put a hand on the bank
and held on
and he did rest there.

When walking down the streets
his shining countenance
was a gravity well.
They came to him
with a foreign will upon them.
He did nothing to make it so.
He did nothing to resist it.
He just smiled
and welcomed them
into the shelter of his peace.
And they bowed their heads and cried
not knowing why
but he knew.

There they sat and drank him in
and swam in his
magnificent ocean.
The cells in their
stardust bodies
ceased their endless toil
of dying
and of giving birth, to themselves...
transcended, finding
peace.

Cosmic circles
danced around
and erupted
in that place
where they all sat
and they explored the cosmos
even though they
didn't move an inch.

Time and space are an illusion
so they held hands with their ancestors
and, with their descendants
and they bowed together as one
and they smiled
the most beautiful smile
and he joined them
and he carried on his way.

Most words are pointless
so he didn't say very much.

And he still hasn't
to this day.

Out there

And then the thought was out there
never to be called back
never to return
to the murky swamp from which it sprang
the chaos, the void
the swirling mass of turbulent, oscillating water
we call the subconscious
it was revealed in all its folly
splayed out awkwardly, on shaking, quivering legs
with its head hung down, glancing around furtively
forsaken, and, forlorn
representing all the flavors of its homeland
all the textures, all the smells
all the colors, mucus green, and brown
mossy, clumped dirt clinging to it
it was alone. It was there for all to see.
Exposed. In a pristine room, white walls, bright lights, and two way mirrors
no way out
standing in the center
surrounded by enemies
antagonists
in the guise of brothers.
Never speak
never speak
again
again
again.

It's the same world.

Drift with me
we are fading away
the far off recesses are beckoning
they are calling our name.
Inky black gravity wells
star dust, scattered showers, are
trickling down, the rabbit hole
that we live in.
Off to never never land
we're not in Kansas
anymore
were we ever? 
They built a new factory.
The clock is ticking. 
Put on your work clothes
the grime and the soot is caked under
your fingernails
it's baked into 
your skin.
The grind, the gravel
the medium gray, the dismal, abysmal
mediocrity, the tedium, it is bearing down.
The anger, the aggression
oppression, suppression, judgement, fire, fury
insidious, malignant, vicious, venomous
insistent, consistent, 
vehement, omnipresent
expectations, time, and worry
and wonder, and magic, and merriment
it is all here, waiting
they are both here, all the time
it's the same world.
There are galaxies, off in the distance
there are angels, there are enlightened magisters
there are demons, there is encroaching darkness
there is art
there is hope
there is madness
it's the same world,
it's the same world,
it's the same world.

Diaspora

the diaspora of our soul
has been terribly confusing.
we are tangled.
intertwined. 
where I end
and you begin
is a mystery to me. 
all I see is light, shimmering
skipping along 
a sea of darkness.
ruddy ruminations
echo from the earth's core.
in silence I see purity.
I am ever seeking more. 
I am ever seeking more.

I miss you.

For I have longed for thee
since the dawn of my eternity.
Of all the places I have known
it's your arms that feel like home.
I miss you.
I miss you.
I miss you.

Brave

they say you are brave

when you face your feelings

tell me, why then do I feel

so small and fragile

I guess that is strength.

To feel you aren't strong.

To feel you aren't strong.

Burning

When the world is burning
when the world is burning
when the world is burning
and the whole economy does finally collapse
at least I'll have my money
to throw on the fire.
I will make it grow
just a little bit higher.
It'll give me warmth.
When the world is burning.

When the world is burning
when the world is burning
when the world is burning
and all the animals are dead
at least I will be soon to follow.
I won't have long, to wait
won't have to stick around and see
what this place looks like
when nothing green is left.
When the world is burning.

When the world is burning
when the world is burning
when the world is burning
I won't have to watch it go down alone.
For the time that we have left
I will have
some decent company.
I hope, I, am decent company
to those who need it
when the world, as we know it,
finally ends.